The wizards watched the Westminster show last week, along with probably most of the population, and like everyone else when we heard the predictions of the exit polls we scoffed, confident that  there was no way one half of a coalition Government could be all but annihilated whilst the other half could become the first sitting government party to increase its seats in half a lifetime.

The idea that Scotland, home to a wizard or two, could reject just about all its Labour MP’s was just plain silly, I mean Scotland has voted red since they were subsidising the transport of beasties on the Ark !

The first sign that something mammoth was afoot came when the bloke who successfully bet £300k on the outcome of the Scottish referendum  was found to have bet £30k on an outright Tory majority, a wise wizard would have been down to the bookies with at least a tenner matching the bet, but wise I was not

As the night progressed and the results came in, Professor Smug on the BBC just got ever more smiley as result after result proved that his exit poll of 22,000 bodies across the country was spot on the money and from a large Conservative minority government we were suddenly looking at the unthinkable.

Friday’s events, with political leader after political leader playing resignation snap, even if Nigel didn’t really mean it, were also the thing of dreams and nightmares, by the time we got to tea and biscuits the boys and girls with the blue badges were celebrating like loons.

A week down the road however, things look a wee bit different

Our Prime Minister will stare out across the divide and see not one credible foe for the time being, his nemesis instead will sit in Edinburgh, directing her army of snipers to blow holes in the Governments cause, indeed the Government majority is so small that DC needs at least one eye covering his back, ensuring that his own bunch of backbench irregulars are not blowing themselves and the rest of the Government up.

The case for electoral reform has been made repeatedly, but the vested interests of red and blue have always managed to prevent change, but with Purple Nigels lot getting 4 million votes and only one  MP, his friends on the Tory back benchs might just be a little more open to seeing things differently

What seemed like a straightforward victory last week suddenly does’ not, there is a  fractured Union to hold together with very little leeway to accommodate the Jocks. There is a Hokey Kokey referendum on the Country’s continued membership of Europe to manage , a host of local elections a year away for the discontented to take advantage of, oh and the Winning general has already indicated his intention to retire to the drawing room with the brandy and revolver in due course

As the Chinese might say, we live in interesting times, and nothing but nothing is clear and straightforward !

Making any kind of political observation is usually a kiss of death for a business, however, it isn’t necessarily so as the song says.

This forthcoming election is strange in many ways, it’s the first brought about by the scheduled end of a fixed term parliament, and the first where every party seems to accept that they can’t win it in their own right, its likely that the big two will be by far the largest groupings, but the rise of UKIP on the right and the SNP in the north, is set to muddy the waters somewhat. Things are further complicated by the fact that the SNP is a hugely popular incumbent government north of the border, although not popular enough to persuade a majority to vote for full independence less than a year ago. It seems to me that in the debates held to date the two smaller parties have fared well, UKIP are promoting a fairly simple message, one which seems to be extremely un popular in the business community, but popular enough with a large section of the community who would normally support the “party of free enterprise” to at least worry the government. The SNP as a party of government in their own right are being judged it would seem on their broadly socialist form of administration, free social care for the elderly, the abolition of prescription charges, a fundamental anti- nuclear stance and most controversial of all, the provision of free education up to and including university for children born in their bailiwick. Not for the first time I heard on radio today, “ I want to vote for the SNP but I live in England, what do I do?”

Going back to business I am willing to state that the only significant impact that would be felt would be if UKIP were to storm to power, and I’m willing to bet my wand that isn’t going to happen, what we will end up with almost certainly, is a party of the centre being pulled leftward by either the liberals or the SNP, does it matter whether the winner wears red or blue? I don’t really think so, neither will be able to exercise their full agenda by the requirement to appease their partners, whether that’s in a formal alliance or not, in short, don’t expect a lot of change, the faces may be a bit different but that’s about all. We are great believers in the responsibility associated with the general plebiscite, many have died to give us the chance to exercise that right, and even when there is so little to distinguish the favourites, we would still advocate getting out there and expressing an opinion, although I really do wish they would add another option to the ballot “none of the above” after all Belgium didn’t have a government for 589 days, and its economy actually grew during that period!

In the most important decision I’ll have to make this year, and after much consideration I’ve made my decision…..its going to be cause of causes with an each way side bet on Al Co.

A friend of the wizards tells the story of her daughter being at school, as it happens in Phiidelphia  in the US of A. Like kids the world over they are all getting excited by the imminent arrival of the man with the red coat and the big sack of pressies, and of course there has to be one kid ready to spoil the party with “ Santa Claus isn’t real” and “The only thing that’s real is the Lord”. Obviously at some stage this wunderkinder  is set to be an accountant…..

In the grand scheme whether one fairy story is better than another is very much in the eye of the viewer or reader of the tale, and whether the presents are given out in the name of Santa Claus or the Great Goat, who cares? Maintaining the illusion for the kids is no different to sticking to your marketing strategy, whether corporate or Personal, and remember, there will always be people out there trying to burst your bubble and shatter the illusion you create, ignore them, they are the sad, the lonely and the friendless in this corporate world, may the Great Goat widdle on their breakfast !

2014 has been an incredible year for the wizards north and south of the border and the work done with clients large and small has set us up for a real expansion in the year to come, but more of that when the mince pies have been eaten and the ginger wine slurped,  however, a few Christmas wishes for everyone.

May it be a safe yuletide, spent with the people you want,  and may the great goat bring you everything you wish for

May business in 2015 be kind to you and blissfully trouble free

May our politician’s come to appreciate the sound of silence, particularly their own

May our Law makers pick on someone else for a change

And may our armed forces be kept out of harms way for once

From all of us at Wandwaver,  may you have the Christmas you desire, and may 2015 bring the health and wealth you seek

And of course, may the great goat grant you one wish come true…..

Four hundred and nine years ago today possibly the most sensible man to enter the House of Commons crossed the threshold, less than 3 months later he was executed.  

Not every politician deserves to be blown up, but if we apply the “Corrs principle”, all of them or none, chances are, just like the Corrs, they would all get it, to quote Chairman Hibs.

Politics has become an incredibly complex process, it takes an absolute age to get anything through parliament, largely because every mothers son & daughter  gets to stand up and have their say on every line of every bill, amendments are considered, laid down, accepted or rejected up to 5 times between the two houses before becoming law, then, even with the best will in the world we wait another 35 days before our shiny new law is sent to Aunty Liz down the road for her signature and subsequent enactment as law.

I’m just surprised that anything ever gets through at all, doing business today is just so difficult, there are guidelines for just about everything from desk space to holidays, health and safety in the work place to paternity cover, the only thing that isn’t enshrined in law is the bloody ability to actually do any business !

Here at the wizardry we are wary of Nigel, he’s a strange bloke that still believes in “Johnny Foreigner “and doubtless keeps a loaded Martini Henry by his bedside just in case any of the said Johnny’s make it past the attack dogs at Castle Farrage, he also seems to spend a lot of time saying “No” and politico’s who do that are usually nutters.

The point of this little treatise is quite simple, don’t make things too complicated cause if you do, you will end up being blown up, strung up, or F*cked up by the legislation….

Penny for the Guy ?

I’m sure most of us have done it at some stage, some more than others, the slightly fuggy feeling of too much amber nectar, vague memories of bright lights, loud music and getting carried away in the heat of the moment, next thing you know it’s the creeping half light of dawn and there is a stranger lying beside you.....what next?

At least for Scotland the stranger is no stranger than normal, in fact many would say its the same grumpy old sow that’s been some kind of partner for the last three hundred odd years, but “mibees naw” as Kenny Dalglish might mumble, just like a booze fuelled fumble at the end of a night in the students union, rash promises have been made, fidelity promised, and all for the alleged pleasure of a bit of union.

We watched with a wearied anticipation as the pollsters predicted first one result and then the other, its worth noting that “don’t know” turned out to be “No!” just as surely as had the question been asked of the prettiest girl at the school disco, but the reality is that fear won the day, for the Scots, pensioners afraid of losing pensions spoke louder and longer than the school kids voting with heart in hand, down south, fear of everything drove a government to promise all but the kitchen sink to the northern nationalists who will have to settle for Devo Max, whatever that might be.

Business played its part, some of it shameful in its blundering attempt to threaten voters into submission, some of it just plain intimidation, and most if not all of it, totally un necessary. If Scotland had voted yes, there would have been as many new opportunities as lost ones, a country outside of Europe suddenly on the doorstep means customs, exports and a hell of a lot of admin, not to mention the gains to be made on FX, by the sleekit money grabbers who run the very institutions that would supposedly have run south, run away from a profit? Sorry but I smell manure in the air !

The whole event has finally shaken the English establishment from its corpulent slumbers, some kind of federal UK with national parliaments making all but critical decisions and a reduced GB house calling the shots on things like defence, spending the oil profits and negotiating with the EU, the big loser is going to be London, no more will it be allowed to be the grumpy rich kid giving out freebies to its mates, its going to be the powerhouse of the new quasi independent England, and its going to have to pick up the tab for whatever gets decided in the new English parliament, a parliament that could well be led by the Monster Raving Looney Party or Ukip, as it likes to be known, people will lose interest in the European question when little England lurches so far to the right that benefits all but dry up, paid holidays for workers become a distant memory, and being anything other than the son of a baronet born in Surrey will see you classed as a secondary citizen.

Just like the morning after spent looking at a right munter, too much has been promised and too little thought given to what the union might look like in the end. England has had its way, but at what price ?

In just 9 days time the country we live in will change forever, those who wish to see the break up of the United Kingdoms of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and the Isle of Man will either be heading to the pub for a party or to drown their sorrows, either way, the 19th of September is going to be a good day for publicans for sure and quite possibly for republicans too !

Although the Wizards are Jocks, it wouldn’t be fair to express a view on what should or shouldn’t happen, I for one understand both sides of the argument, Scotland is very pro European, England probably less so, Scotland’s priorities of its governments has seen a steady divergence from England and Wales in health and social care and in education, a child born in Scotland will receive a state funded education all the way to graduation, and when the chid ages they will be entitled to free comprehensive social care if its required. This is very different from the case south of the border where the privatisation of services sees citizens pay for almost everything, even the NHS, that thing that separates the UK from the savages beyond, is crumbling under the weight of demand, dental services are free to the very few, most people pay through their newly fixed teeth for the dentists ministrations, GP's want to introduce “appointment fees” and from there we are but a whisper away from a fully two tiered health service. The people of Scotland are simply not prepared to accept this, or so it would appear.

We would do well to remember that the UK is exactly that, a number of kingdoms united in practice but not necessarily for all of time, the last break up in the marriage was less than a century ago when most of  Ireland went its merry way, no doubt the wee bit that stayed with us will head off to join its larger sibling in due course, whether we want it to or not, the principle of self determination is exactly that, the right of a group of people to determine their own futures and that means the English, Welsh, Irish, French, German, Chinese, Indian, Pakistani, and every other nation with sons and daughters living in Scotland as well as those who are there by accident of birth, they will all of them have the right to express their opinion next week, everyone else, including the exiled Scottish diasporas must remain silent and see what they decide.

No matter what the outcome, on Friday the 19th the world will be a slightly different place, the union reduced or re-affirmed, for now, It is already clear that so many people intend to say “Yes”, this particular question is likely to be asked again in our lifetime if this time the answer is No.

There will be opportunities aplenty no matter which way the vote goes, lets hope we’re grown up enough to focus on those than the bitter recriminations that follow the loss of a heartfelt wish.

If had a vote, I’d vote for the right to have the education for my children and the care in my dotage that those north of the border already have, that’s what’s really important, not which flag flies over me.

I may have mentioned previously my aversion to corporate speak, I loathe it, I find that it’s the language of the only moderately capable, usually used to hide a singular lack of ability in the speaker, so, I thought I’d translate a few of the classic ones for your amusement...

New – It’s a different colour from its predecessor

All New – It’s a different colour and none of the spare parts from the old machine fit this one

Exclusive – Imported from a part of China you’ve never even heard of

Unmatched – its nearly as good as the competition but not quite

Foolproof- proof that it was designed by a fool

Field Tested – Manufacturer has no test facility so they are waiting for “Client Feedback”

Years of research and development – At Last we have one that works !

Futuristic – looks so wierd we couldn’t think of any other description

Maitainance Free – Chuck it in the bin when it stops working, it cant be repaired

Meets All Standards – well at least all of the people we asked

Cutting Edge – Even we don’t understand how it works

The wizards remain wizarding both north and south and hopefully will be announcing a huge expansion soon, stay tuned as they used to say....

“Coping with change”, doesn’t it just sound like the working title of an HR paper on how to make people redundant, but strangely it is apparently one of the most common causes of stress in the modern workplace, although that might be something to do with the whole HR thing. The reality is that all of us cope with change everyday, in our work lives and back at home, we get older, fatter, grumpier ( okay that’s just us wizards ) but hey, that’s just part of life’s rich tapestry.

This week One of the wizards went to meet a prospective client in the company of two businesses who already are clients, and the fact is, this is a fairly significant change in the way that things are done around here, rather than pitching all things wizardy to the client, instead, there was a collective approach where three or four specialists came together to make a proposal to assist the new client make his business more profitable and attract a wider customer base.

In the old days KPMG, Andersen’s or which ever other big practice would pitch and sub out the bits they didn’t want, this is generally why consultants had such a bad name back in the day, even the big boys specialise in something and generally pay lip service to the “non-core activities” The big change in today’s workplace is the move to a JV approach, with people and businesses coming together to offer a collective service. This is very much in keeping with the Wandwaver Way, we don’t claim to know all the answers here, but we hope we know people who do.

In short, no-one should fear change, excepting of course the odd MP or senior middle managers in the dinosaur industries at the heart of the City, for everyone else, change is good, change brings new opportunity and the chance to work with new people. Going through Change? What could be better ?

Reading between the lines is a key life skill never mind business skill! From the early days of working out what the girlfriend meant by “no” maybe and okay then”. No being the only one that had a definitive meaning when it was uttered horizontally, when it was issued whilst vertical in a cake shop queue it was much less reliable as a statement of honest intent. Right up to those people at the conference that say that would love to hear from you at some stage in the future, as long of course as the future is measured in light years.

There are many things that rarely mean what they appear; Kylie is not actually “wicked”, unless of course you’re some kind of religious fundamentalist, in which case that may well be your view. Quality is a bad name to have in an hotel, inevitably it means quite the opposite. Likewise vendors with “Tasty” in the name, tastes like cardboard more like, and the worst one of all ? It has to be “Value” Anything that describes its-self as “Best value” usually means that your purse is about to be emptied faster than Msr Thernadier himself could manage ( Wicked Les Mis reference !! )

People in business do things for one reason, money, there is but never another reason, they will talk about reducing costs, streamlining and gaining efficiency, but what it actually means is that  getting rid of Maggie in accounts means they can magically transfer almost her entire salary into their entirely un-justifiable over-inflated annual bonus.

There are a few people out there who actually mean what they say, whose opinion is formed from fact and experience, and who will answer a question with honesty and the best of intent, regard them as almost magical, wizard-like, rare and to be protected from the big bad world, because their honesty and integrity are rocks on which to build almost anything in business. I could name a few of them, but I won’t, they are my little gems, the treasures that sustain me when I’m listening to yet more corporate BS, watching another dreamer with a dark secret laying a web of nonsense to catch out the unwary.

If this sounds a bit darker than the norm, its probably because one of the good guys gave up the ghost today and decided to “Seek New Opportunities” and lets face it, we all know what that really means.

The good guys don’t always win, its down to us to choose to do things the right way, if we don’t ultimately we all lose.

Good luck Mr D, the wizards are right behind you!

Have you ever wondered how many people read the stuff you stick out there on the webisphere? Yep we had, so we had a wizard look at it and come up with some numbers, and they look pretty scary.

First of all we had to find a willing research subject, and since we are doing the storytelling, we figured we should use our own blog as the research piece, a quick look at the background analytics tells us that 11,624 readers have visited our blog in 2014, a surprising number of people when you realise that www.wandwaver.com is a business site, it contains no dodgy pictures or video’s and isn’t attached to a casino, or any of the other myriad money-making schemes beloved of the web, these are readers, like you, some interested in what we have to say, some prompted to have a goosie based on a recommendation and some because they just happen on it through searching.

We are not convinced by the whole e-promotion business, our internal research tells us that our clients promote themselves because they are expected to, very few actually believe that digital marketing of their products or services produces much business, in fact one client described digital marketing as “ the emperor’s new clothes, 21st century style”, and that you would have to agree is quite a revealing thought. We tend to think that e-promotion is good for awareness, but unless you are in a very specific sector it isn’t going to become a wonderful new sales force for you, however.....

One wizard to another, we contacted a chappie at a well known social media Company who specialise in connecting people to other people on the web, either friends, colleagues, ex workmates, or their other halfs granny, we asked one specific question, “If I have over 11,000 people in my personal network ( people who read the blog ) how many people will they be connected to? In other words, how many people can the blog reach by reference from someone they know, the answer is the scary bit, over 2.5 billion, and no, that isn’t a miss-type

We write our blog to open debate, pass on our thoughts and generally comment, we don’t try and promote a specific product or service, and we don’t tell tales on anyone, but OMG as they say on FB, what an audience if we did !

Whilst we remain to be convinced by the emperor’s new clothes, we are convinced of one thing, a blog is well worth writing !